


A Shot of I Do

by writingkiwi



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Drunken Flirting, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, No Spoilers, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Post Episode 70
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-28 17:04:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19816678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingkiwi/pseuds/writingkiwi
Summary: After a very stressful day Caleb wanted to unwind with some drinking among friends and Fjord didn't see any harm in that.....





	A Shot of I Do

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to tonbokiri for the title
> 
> the explicit rating is for the next part of this, nothing explicit in part one sorry yall

  
  


"I need a drink to ease my nerves that is all." Caleb's voice is shaky and clipped. 

Fjord believes him about the nerves, but does not believe the implied casual nature of this drinking. Fjord gives Caduceus a very pointed look, before turning back to Caleb.

"You know what a boys night sounds great, wouldn't you say Duceus?" Fjord takes a previously offered glass from Caleb and pours himself a drink.

Caduceus nods slowly. "Some quality bonding sounds lovely, I'll make myself tea then I'll join you. Will this be in the happy room?"

Fjord holds back an exasperated sigh before confirming that yes the poorly named happy room is where they'll be. As he turns to tell the girls this isn't supposed to be exclusive and they can join if they want he catches Jester steering Nott away looking very relieved.

"To the happy room." Caleb says in his accented monotone and leads the way.

Fjord follows and tries to calm his mind from all the questions he's dying to ask. He needs to focus on Caleb being okay first, he can sate his curiosity later. He sits himself down and waits for the wizard to make himself comfortable, which seems to involve a cat scarf.

"So-"

Caleb interrupts him. "I know I promised to be open about my past with you. And I will be, just not tonight. Please."

He sounds so  _ tired and broken _ , Fjord can't even think to argue.

"Of course Caleb, I ain't gonna press when you're clearly worked up. Besides that'd hardly be fair given our agreement."

The shock in Caleb's eyes is upsetting and familiar, Fjord knows he must've looked the same when Caleb said he'd let Fjord open up in his own time.

"So what do we do for a boys night?" Fjord wants to make Caleb feel better and he can't do that while discussing their dark pasts.

Caleb's head tilts to the side causing a strand of hair to fall in his face. "You've never had a boys night? Truly?"

Fjord shrugs. "I mean every night is boys night on a merchant vessel. But no never had a formal announced boys night."

Caleb hums thoughtfully, wracking that amazing brain of his. "Well boys night involves getting drunk with a boy or several and getting into hijinks, or simply gossiping or-" Caleb cuts himself off.

Fjord leans forward in his chair. "Or?"

It might be a trick of the light but Caleb's face looks redder. "In my youth boys night sometimes meant fooling around with your roommate."

Fjord raises his eyebrows. "I dunno why but I assumed you were a perfect student absorbed in your work. I'm finding it hard to believe you found time to fool around."

Caleb snorts, "You mean you find it hard to believe me capable of wooing someone into fooling around."

Fjord frowns at that. "Of course not. You're plenty capable. In fact I'm surprised the group never turns to you for those distractions."

Grinning over his drink, Caleb's eyes search his for something. "Obviously because we have your superior charm and good looks."

Fjord's heart flips and his vocal cords forget how to work as he opens his mouth to argue. Before he can pretend to have any composure left the smell of freshly brewed tea greets his nose.

"You are both welcome to some tea for this boys night." Caduceus announces with a pleasant grin sitting himself down on a chair across from Caleb and Fjord.

"Did you two need a moment alone?"

Curse the firbolg and his near psychic perception.Fjord shakes his head a little too violently. He quickly raises his glass in a toast.

"Let's get this boys night started!" Fjord crows before knocking back his entire glass… and that's the last clear memory he has of the night.

His memory is jumbled with Caleb's accent growing thicker with each drink. The delighted laughs from himself at rude Zemnian words he's never heard. The thrill of dancing with Caleb and laughing at his own clumsy drunken legs. Dragging Caduceus into their merriment and getting The Wildmother's approval. Somewhere during the night Caduceus retired to bed, or Fjord was that absorbed in Caleb.

His memory grows fuzzier. Breathing in each other's drunken laughter. Warm hands danced over his skin. Tripping over each other's clothes. Hot mouths grinning into giddy kisses. After that his memory fades out to nothing but ecstasy.

——————

Several hours later the first thing Fjord notices as his hungover brain claws itself to consciousness, is that he is too warm. The source of the uncomfortable heat is shaped like a humanoid body pressed along his back with arms wrapped around him. His gut reaction is to panic and break out of his restraints, that is before his logical side hears a soft snore. 

Right some people cuddle while sleeping. Not everyone does the deed and runs away. Given he's still wearing his smalls Fjord is unsure if he actually did the deed last night, let alone who his bed partner is. Blinking some alertness into his eyes Fjord assesses the arms wrapped around him. They're thin and pale tan with reddish hair and some harsh scars. He briefly tried to convince himself these arms don't clearly belong to a certain wizard and could be anyone. His efforts at ignorance are dashed the second he peeks over his shoulder and sees the rare peaceful face Caleb dons in slumber.

Well shit. He's apparently gone and slept with his friend who's already got a ton of baggage. Why couldn't drunk Fjord keep it in his pants? He was starting to actually get somewhere with Caleb maybe have enough mutual trust to open up old sounds for honesty's sake. He's gone and burned that bridge before it was done being built.

Fjord carefully removes himself from Caleb's embrace and raises from the bed as slowly as possible. His clothes leave a trail to the door and as he's collecting them he realizes they're in Caleb's room. Fjord starts putting on his clothes and as he's buttoning his pants he feels something tap the back of his legs. Behind him Frumpkin has a paw placed on his leg and is staring up into his soul.

"I'm sorry." Fjord whispers to the cat unsure who he means it for.

Sneaking out the door and up the stairs Fjord tries not to start hyperventilating. Stepping out into the beautiful rooftop the ambient light of the not quite day of Xhorhas assaults his hung over eyes.

A chuckle sounds off to his left. "I see your nightly adventures have caught up with you"

Caduceus is so pleasant in demeanor it's almost annoying.

"About that. I need a detailed rundown of what I did, I'm worried I made some poor choices."

Caduceus tilts his head in focus. "Well after I showed up you started drinking quite quickly. Caleb wasn't drinking as fast as you but given his frame I assume he was quite drunk too."

Fjord makes a rotating gesture with his hand. "Yeah yeah weren't the most sensible drinkers. What else though, did I break anything, say anything personal?"

Caduceus pulls a face. "Caleb started teaching you Zemnian curse words which you were  _ very _ delighted by. Oh he did start teaching you a dance that apparently he did with Jester at one point? I believe you spent several hours discussing magic and then complimenting Caleb on his magic."

Fjord wants to curl up and die. "I'm such an embarrassing drunk. Ugh why am I like this?"

"I don't see how being open with your feelings I'd embarrassing Fjord. Caleb deserves to hear your compliments and he values your opinion. You did ask to be married after all."

Fjord pinches himself and flinches at the pain. This isn't a crazy dream then.

"I'm sorry. What?"

"Last night when I said I was going to retire for the evening you two begged me to officiate your wedding. You were very happy."

Fjord takes a deep breath. "So what you just said some official words? So it's not like real or binding or anything?"

"Oh no it is binding. I performed a ceremony spell. Whether it's legally binding is something I am uncertain about. I am unaware of the marriage laws in this land."

Fjord is trying to formulate a response as he feels his body and mind give out.

  
  


—————

Fjord wakes up for a second time that day. This time his headache isn't just alcohol induced, but the consequences of fainting on a stone floor. 

"Oh he's waking up!" A familiar Nicodranas accent rings out.

It's hard to appreciate Jester's cheerful tone with a headache, but the familiarity is a relief.

"What happened?" He slurs as he tries to sit up.

A strong hand shoves him back into lying down.

"You were being an idiot."

"Beau you can't say that to an injured man!"

Fjord isn't used to being on the receiving end of Beau's disappointed frown. How does Caleb deal with this?

"It's fine Jessie, with what Caduceus was telling me that sounds about right."

Beau folds her arms and turns her smug look on Jester. "See even he agrees with me."

Jester screws up her face. "It wasn't stupid, it was really sweet and romantic!"

Fjord gives Beau a pointed look which is returned with a suffering eyeroll.

"Jester let's let the man rest and I'll explain to you why drunken proposals aren't ideal." She guides the cleric out, leaving Fjord alone in his sparse bedroom.

Alone with his thoughts. What the fuck had he been thinking? He didn't even have the guts to flirt with Caleb while sober let alone elope! He'd never even thought about marriage, it was never an option to him. And what about Caleb? Does he know yet? Is he going to be mad? What if he avoids Fjord and tries to act like it's normal but they both know it's not and it makes everything worse?

"If you keep thinking that hard you'll reopen the wound."

Fjord's heart stops at the Zemnian accent. Standing in the doorway looking hungover but otherwise calm was Caleb.

"You know if you hadn't snuck off this wouldn't have happened."

Fjord blinks owlishly. "You know?"

Caleb breaths out a laugh. "Of course I know. You didn't remake your side of the bed. You left a warm patch. And you left this." Caleb pulls down his scarf to reveal a dark bite mark with two definite tusk imprints.

"I'm sorry." Fjord blurts it out before he can think. His impulses are saying to salvage his relationship with Caleb whatever that may be at this point.

Caleb flinches, his eyes darting over Fjords face making numerous calculations. "Oh. I shall go." And he bolts out awkwardly.

Fjord stares after him confused and still in physical pain. He can't even get a simple apology right. He tries to fix things and all he does is scare Caleb away. His eyes sting and he screws then shut to keep the tears back because if he starts he won't stop.

"For all the charisma you two possess you are terrible communicators." 

Fjord lets out a shaky sigh. "Ducey, I don't have the energy for your cryptic help. Please get to the point"

Caduceus places a tray of food on the end table beside Fjords bed before sitting on his matress to look at him.

"I didn't hear what was said. All I know is after Beau and Jester informed Caleb of your situation and the events of last night he wanted to see you. After whatever happened here he looked distressed and has locked himself in his room. Now I'm no expert but that's an awfully short time slot for a drastic mood shift."

Fjord covers his face with his hands. "He started telling me he knew what happened. He showed me the  _ mark  _ I left on him and I quickly apologized. Then he bolted."

Caduceus frowns. "What's significant about a mark? I know people mark up their partners but not with the emphasis you put on it."

Fjord grits his teeth. "It's an orc thing. Apparently when Orcs get married or mate for life or whatever they leave a claiming bite on them. It's also apparently magical so not only have I declared Caleb a married man to all orc kind but I may have bound him to magic we know nothing about!"

Caduceus hums. "It is fitting you'd perform an instinctual marriage after the ceremony."

"Cad what am I gonna do? Caleb probably hates me, or fears me!"

"I wouldn't say that. The ceremony spell only works with willing individuals."

Fjord sits up to be almost on level with Caduceus.

"So you're telling me Caleb feels the same way? Then why did he run?"

The firbolg shrugs before standing to leave. "His mind is constantly solving problems. So much so I believe it creates problems where there are none. Look on the brightside Nott has been to busy with her husband to hear about this so you don’t need to worry about an elaborate interrogation anytime soon.Anyway get some rest Fjord you'll want to sleep off that healing before the pain returns."

And with that Fjord is left alone again. If Caleb returns his affections why did he run? Does he think Fjord doesn't like him? Does he think Fjord is mad at him? Is he okay?

—————

Fjord wakes to his door being kicked in.

"You're delivering Caleb his breakfast. He didn't eat yesterday and you two need to talk. Two birds one stone, chop chop!"

And that's how Fjord finds himself half awake, half dressed with two tests of food outside Caleb's door. Not having a free hand to knock he lightly kicks the door.

"Caleb, it's me. Beau said you haven't been eating and I don't want to get my ass kicked."

The door opens to messy red hair and blue eyes with dark circles. Without a word he steps aside letting Fjord in.

"We need to talk."

Caleb collapses on his bed staring at the ceiling. "You can just tell her we talked if you want. I know you don't want to."

Fjord puts the trays down and steps into Caleb's line of sight. "Don't tell me what I want. I  _ want _ to talk to you. About what happened."

Caleb averts his eyes. "If that is what you wish, I am sorry for letting this situation happen."

Fjord frowns and sits on the bed. "Why are  _ you _ sorry?"

Caleb sits up looking Fjord in the eye. "Is this your way of punishing me? I'll play along if that's what it takes for you to forgive me, not that I really deserve it. I am sorry because clearly you were not happy to hear about our drunken activities. I am sorry that you are bound to me. And I am sorry that I put you in this position with my feelings. Does that suffice?"

Caleb is breathing so heavily and shakily Fjord's worried for his human frame. The Zemnian accented words whirl around his mind as he realizes how  _ stupid _ they both are.

"How can you be so smart yet so stupid?"

Before Caleb can form an offended rebuttal his mouth is captured by Fjords. There's a split second of soul crushing fear where Caleb is frozen against him. That fear is dashed away as Caleb's hands reach up to cradle his jaw and hold him in place like he's afraid he'll vanish.

They both separate for air and Fjord rests their foreheads together. Too overwhelmed by everything he holds his eyes shut as he clings to Caleb. He breaths out a hysterical laugh.

"I think we did this a little backwards."

Caleb snorts. "I'm sure somewhere it's common to drunkenly wed before you even admit your affections."

Fjord opens his eyes to see Caleb smiling and let's the tension fall from his shoulders. His eyes drop to the prominent mark on Caleb's neck.

"Speaking of, that mark isn't gonna fade. It's an orc marriage thing, I don't know much about it myself except that other orcs will know your spoken for."

Caleb brings a hand up to his neck and traces the indents. "Where's your mark?"

Fjord frowns and tilts his head. "I don't think humans can leave claiming marks…. Wait you want to leave a mark?"

Caleb waggles his eyebrows. "I need every shopkeeper that bats their eyes at you to know you're a taken man. If all I need is to be an orc for an evening that can be arranged."

Fjord's brain short circuits at the idea of Caleb as an orc marking him. His face must give him away because Caleb starts back pedalling. "Or we can take things slow, I don't wish to pressure you."

Fjord leans forward to capture Caleb's lips in a slow chaste kiss, before nuzzling their noses together. "We'll make it work, sweetheart."

Caleb's eyes light up as his face is split with a grin Fjord's never seen before. "Ja, we'll make it work bärchen"

  
  



End file.
